5 posts tagged “husband”

The Day after Christmas (AKA Boxing Day and the Best Day to buy Christmas decorations) is one of my favorite days of the year.  Not only is it the anti-climax to the glorious insanity of Christmas, it's the anniversary of a special day.  Five years ago, on Boxing Day, I was wandering through the shoe department at Nordstrom, pondering the year and whether they would have gorgeous red shoes in my size.  As luck would have it, they did.  My luck continued when a close friend called to wish me Merry Christmas and see if I was back in town.  When I told her where I was, she said she and her fiance where having drinks in the same outdoor shopping area, and that I should join them.  As a thirsty woman without plans, I agreed. 

When I walked up to their table that afternoon I didn't recognize the man sitting across from my friend and her fiance.  He was attractive, but hadn't shaved for a while, and his blondish facial stubble made him look a bit like Brett Favre.  They introduced me to C, the fiance's brother, who had recently moved to the midwest for work.  I shook hands with him, and he casually studied me the way people do when they find something that interests them.

He was funny, intelligent, and thoughtful, and though I was single, I didn't for a moment consider that I might see him again given his geographic residence.  But, thankfully, he had other plans.

We went to dinner at one of the best restaurants in town.  He was nervous and motor-mouthed about his favorite books through the appetizers and main course, only slowing up when the creme brulee and apple-pear compote hit the table. We walked after that, stopping for a quick game of pool and a Guinness, then finally a 24-hour coffeehouse mostly frequented by tourists and college students.  By this point the topic of conversation was our life goals - a decidedly heavy turn for a first date, but he and I were intense like that.  Our date started at 8pm, and ended sometime around 4am. We saw each other everyday after that until he left town a week later. 

And that's how I met my husband.

The moral of this love story?  You never know when you'll met someone of strong significance...and it might actually be on Boxing Day.

I’m trying to get my head around a somewhat troubling issue.  Bear with me as I go into some backstory.

There’s a couple down the street who have a 2-year-old.  My husband first met B one day when he was walking with his son down the street.  He later met his wife N who was very hospitable and warm.  In fact, he had seen them and spoke to them several times (for whatever reason I wasn’t there all these times).  Each time he saw them they were very anxious to meet me, and spend some time hanging out together as families.  Then, one night, they met me.  It was literally a 3-minute exchange where we laid eyes on each other, were introduced, and that was all.  I know there was not enough time for me to say or do anything inappropriate or offensive in this timeframe.  Literally, after this meeting, when I ran into the wife she would ignore me, or act extremely strange around me.  Both B & N are still friendly with my husband and daughter.  When I have run into the wife (at the pool with our children) I have attempted to be friendly, however she will not even engage in courteous hello-how are you – goodbye.  My husband has extended invitations for dinner or hang out, and they always say they have other plans (and never offer an alternative date).  I do not have any concrete proof, but I suspect they are racist.  I know, I know, how can I make this accusation without a verbal slur, without seeing a KKK flag, or without anything other than a strong hunch?  I know because, sadly, I have experienced situations like this before.

Nacwolin wrote a thought-provoking post on racism last week, and it made me think about how racism I encounter these days tends to be quieter, understated, but present nonetheless.  As I said in my comments to her post, I feel lucky living in California as I can often forget about color-lines and that I’m in an inter-racial marriage, with a multi-racial child.  Huh!  It’s funny to even write that because I don’t think of my husband and I this way.  We simply are a man and a woman, in love and married.  Period.  But, this evening it dawned on me that this couple – or at least the wife – may see our relationship as a stark, color-divided union.

When I moved from California to Ohio, I expected a lot of adjustments – mostly weather and season related.  The surprise adjustment was racism, or at very minimum the racial assumptions made about me.  Again, it wasn’t outright antagonism with crosses burning on our lawn, it was subtle, but unmistakable.  It was the feeling that I was an outsider, even before I had opened my mouth to speak or have an opportunity to express myself.  It was difficult, and it made me angry.  I’ll never forget one time at the Dayton Airport when my husband and I were flying home to California.  My husband walked up to the woman who was checking ID’s.  She chatted amiably with him, talking about the weather, barely glancing at his ID, and ultimately waving him thru with a smile.  Her entire demeanor changed when I walked up.  She picked up my ID, scrutinized it, examined my face, repeating this process several times.  She finally handed back my ID, but didn’t smile.  I wanted to shout, “I’m with that white guy you just waved thru!”

The aspect of this that I find most disturbing is the thought that my ethnicity may somehow negatively affect my daughter someday.  She may at some point be judged because my blood is hers and some people think this is more important than her content or character (as awesome Dr.MLK has eloquently described).  I realize that my thoughts on this subject may be ignorant in the sense that others do still experience racism on a less subtle scale.  I should be grateful that what I have experienced probably hasn't cost me a job, a home, or worse - being mistaken for a criminal because I happen to fit a profile.  I realize all this.  I'm just tired of it.  I wish it didn't exist.  I find it completely idiotic.

"Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep".  ~Fran Lebowitz

My husband knows one of the sweetest and most appreciated things he can do for me is allow me some extra sleep.  He will get up with the kid so I can sleep in at least an hour, a few times a week, and sometimes - like this afternoon - he will step out of our home office and watch the toddler, so I can take a mid-day snoozer.  I've always been insatiable as far as sleep is concerned.  I remember as a kid falling asleep just about anywhere, and being super cranky when my mom would try to wake me up to go to school.  I'm basically the same way as an adult. 

You could imagine what happened when I gave birth to a fickle sleeper, who at 17 months still does not regularly sleep through the night.  It was quite the rude awakening (so to speak) to no longer have long stretches of uninterrupted sleep, not to mention the luxury of napping at will, and getting up leisurely on the weekends.  We joke that our future adult-only weekends away will consist more of sleeping than any (ahem) "adult activity", and while my husband probably isn't serious about that statement, I am.

Speaking of... I think I'm ready for some shut-eye right about now. 

My husband was very sweet this morning (told me to go for a run alone while he watched the baby for half an hour), so he was rewarded with a special honeymoon-remembrance sandwich for lunch.  

Italian sandwich - openfaced

Here is the ciabatta open-faced.  Tomatoes, basil, buffalo mozzarella with fresh black pepper, olive oil, and balsamic vinegar.  The carnivore side is prosciutto and dry salami. 

Ready to eat:

Italian sandwich - ready to eat

Audio: Share a song that makes you think of your crush.
Submitted by ♥Voxy Lady M♥.

"Home" by Michael Buble.

My "crush" would be my husband, and though this song implies the people are not together (and my husband and I are), it still has some lyrics that make me think of him.